An Actress In LA
This city is fucked. I'm fucked from this city. It is exhausting. I love what I do but my god is it difficult. I read an interivew with Joan didion and she commented on a dinner party she went to and how everyone around the table could work on what they wanted to when they wanted, or that they knew when the next piece of work was coming, all except for the actress at the table. She was always waiting for the work to come to her. It was a waiting game. Now of course a lot has changed and we have the ability to create our own work and the visibility is much more available with social media and the internet. But I sometimes feel as lost as ever. I get frustrated, as though I am running out of time> actually its more like my energy has an expiry date. I feel like the energy of youth and excitement is in me but I don;t have the channels to put it into. Where is the work and outlet to expend this energy. I have other josb that consume a lot of time and I have to pay the bills. Everyone thinks living in Los Angeles is the most glamorous place on earth and your surround but rich lifestyles, and celebrities but let me tell you that for the majority of people here it a tough fucking grind to survive and keep the dream alive. I'm not worried about endurance. I'm not worried about my stamina. That has never concerned me. I know myself I know what I have inside of myself and that I will persevere. I won't give up. That is the worst thing that you can possibly do. I won't let myself fail. But I need to know where to go and what to do.
Shall I document the crazy shit that I have been through? Living with housemates who were insane, or losing all our furniture, or trying to find an apartment and wandering the streets for three weeks until we were able to rent the day before our lease ended on our other apartment? Do you want to know what it is really like to live as an actress in Hollywood?