How To Please A Woman.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Can’t you feel it? The sexual tension? At least three of you have made physical advances on me this year and the rest of you have given me the eye at least once. I don’t know where you get your ideas for pleasing a woman from sometimes. Where do you learn it? Your father, a brother, a friend, porn?


Have you ever asked a woman what she wants?

A real woman? I am a woman. And yeah, I like to fuck.

So let me tell you a little something about what I like.

You better smell real good. Come close enough for me to breathe you in, to smell your cologne; your scent. Bang. Instant attraction. Dance with me. Show me how you handle me in motion. Pull me in close. Move your body against mine. Are we in sync? I want to feel the heat of your breath on my face, on my neck. Whisper in my ear. Trace the outline of my curves. Kiss me softly. Observe me. What do you see; lips, mouth, neck, breasts, hips, thighs, legs? But what about my eyes?


The trick is to understand what’s behind those eyes. The way I think. My deepest darkest desires because what scares you the most is that I can embody all of your deepest darkest desires and be smart too. And guess what, boy? I am so fucking clever.

"You want me to pay attention to you?

Earn it."

You want to do bad things to me? You want to put your hands all over me, touch every inch of my body, grab me, pinch me, pull my hair. You want to flirt with me and tell me I'm the sexiest woman alive? I already know that. You want me to pay attention to you? Earn it.


You want to know how to really please me? You want to know what really turns me on? Conversation. And I don’t mean that small talk, ‘What’s your favourite colour?’ or ‘What do you like to eat?’ No, no, no. I’m talking about that mind-blowing conversation where you can tell me a story I’ve never heard before. Be the raconteur. Tell me a story where in it I can hear all your virtues, your values, your vices, your ideals. Tell me about the art you like, the poetry, the music, the literature. Make me think in a way I’ve never thought before. Make me look at the world from a perspective I’ve never seen. I want to have a debate. Challenge me! Make it worth my effort.


And then maybe I’ll let you tear the stockings off of me, slide your hand up my skirt, lift me up, push me against the wall, roll me over, throw me onto the bed, and then we’ll see how well you blow my mind.

© 2018 by Jordan Wellard